Secret Agent Canseco
Ben Godar
You couldn't script it any better than this. Jose Canseco, international man of mystery, reportedly asked to work as an investigator with baseball's ongoing steroid probe. According to Canseco's attorney, who was undoubtedly wearing a leisure suit and chain-smoking menthols, "Until someone like Jose is part of the investigation as an investigator, they aren't going to get much cooperation."
Yes folks, nothing will make baseball's steroid users open up like Jose Canseco asking "so, dude, have you ever taken 'roids? Oh, and would you mind talking into my comically oversized lapel?"
Or perhaps Canseco planned to go undercover. You know, just another freakishly muscular guy hanging around the clubhouse. "Hey guys, come meet my new friend with the greasy hair and unrelenting curiosity about the steroid investigation."
I'm sure Jose pictured himself jetting around the globe to exotic locations, sipping martinis and dazzling women with his shriveled genitals. And can you blame the guy?
These aren't exactly the salad days for Jose. He's currently playing for the Long Beach Armada in some of the finest Little League parks of Southern California. He joined the Armada after being cut by the perenial powerhouse San Diego Surf Dogs. And Canseco may be on the move again, recently telling the manager of the Fullerton Flyers that he should have signed with them because they're seven miles closer to his home.
Outside Baseball contributor Travis White saw Jose and sidekick Ozzie at an arcade in Sherman Oaks last weekend, flexing their muscles for all the 14-year-old girls. Just think of the attention he would have garnered if he was also a secret agent.
You couldn't script it any better than this. Jose Canseco, international man of mystery, reportedly asked to work as an investigator with baseball's ongoing steroid probe. According to Canseco's attorney, who was undoubtedly wearing a leisure suit and chain-smoking menthols, "Until someone like Jose is part of the investigation as an investigator, they aren't going to get much cooperation."
Yes folks, nothing will make baseball's steroid users open up like Jose Canseco asking "so, dude, have you ever taken 'roids? Oh, and would you mind talking into my comically oversized lapel?"
Or perhaps Canseco planned to go undercover. You know, just another freakishly muscular guy hanging around the clubhouse. "Hey guys, come meet my new friend with the greasy hair and unrelenting curiosity about the steroid investigation."
I'm sure Jose pictured himself jetting around the globe to exotic locations, sipping martinis and dazzling women with his shriveled genitals. And can you blame the guy?
These aren't exactly the salad days for Jose. He's currently playing for the Long Beach Armada in some of the finest Little League parks of Southern California. He joined the Armada after being cut by the perenial powerhouse San Diego Surf Dogs. And Canseco may be on the move again, recently telling the manager of the Fullerton Flyers that he should have signed with them because they're seven miles closer to his home.
Outside Baseball contributor Travis White saw Jose and sidekick Ozzie at an arcade in Sherman Oaks last weekend, flexing their muscles for all the 14-year-old girls. Just think of the attention he would have garnered if he was also a secret agent.
posted by Ben Godar at 10:22 AM
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