Mark Prior: Drink the Kook-Aid

Ben Godar

I knew Cubs fans were high on Mark Prior. Not just high, out-of-their minds, Cypress Hill high. But I had no idea the insanity reached so far into the sound-minded baseball press. Something ain't right, my friends, and I think we must all wonder: "Is Mark Prior brainwashing America?"

Chicago Tribune writer Phil Rogers appeared on MLB Radio last week with the sole intention of laying alms at the feet of Prior. Apparently, the purported ace and his handler/Daddy are unhappy that his name is appearing in trade rumors. I'm on record saying you would have to be a fool (or a true Cubs homer) not to dump Prior for a stud like Tejada. I don't know if Rogers is a fool or a homer, but he also wants to hang onto Prior like his childhood teddy bear.

Not only did Rogers share Prior's shock at a potential trade, he wondered why on earth the Cubs would consider trading Prior but not Carlos Zambrano. Perhaps I can explain:

In the last two years, Zambrano has won 13 more games than Prior. During that span, Zambrano's ERA is 3.01. Prior's is 3.82. Most importantly, Zambrano has pitched 147 more innings than Prior. Plus, and I cannot emphasize this enough, Carlos Zambrano yells at God after a bad outing, which is one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

So by all measures known to science and aesthetics, Zambrano is far superior. So why on earth does this Prior fixation persist? Rogers reasoned that Prior has more "upside" than Zambrano. In fact, he used the word "upside" more times than I could count. Ed Randall of MLB Radio took that a step further, calling Prior's upside "limitless." He added, and I'm not making this up, that he considers Prior "the second coming of Tom Seaver."

More like the second coming of Steve Avery.

We've got to put an end to this Cult of Prior. I'm opposed to fundamentalism of any kind, be it Muslim, Christian or Pitcher-related. I trust you will join me and remain silent no longer. When good people remain silent, the terrorists win ... and the Cubs lose.