So long, Anna

Dr. Uetz

By now you probably know that the Mets have sent Kris Benson to the Orioles for Jorge Julio and a new set of Samsonite luggage. It's a sad development for me. I wasn't particularly fond of Kris; but his wife, Anna Benson, was a true asset to the Mets organization. She's a real peach. She lamented the difficult time that terrorists would have decapitating Michael Moore - you know, because he's a bit on the tubby side. She railed against the Mets for signing Carlos Delgado - he turns his back on the flag during the 7th inning playing of "God Bless America." But more importantly, she claimed she would sleep with the everyone in the Mets clubhouse were she to ever catch Kris cheating on her. It was a wonderful moment. My friend Mookie (not that Mookie)told me that job applications at the Mets' front office jumped 315% after the announcement. I was part of that increase. But now Mets fans - certainly all the men and nearly 37% of the women - are saddened. Sure our bullpen has been slightly improved. Sure Kris' bloated salary has been dumped. But Anna has left the clubhouse. Be good, sweetie. And God bless America.