Baseball, Broads*, and Booze

Dr. Uetz

"I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense." - H.L. Mencken

A nerve was hit when I read this little gem. I like Mencken, though, so didn't throw the book across the room or vow to never read him again. After all, he's right. Baseball fans often choose emotion over common sense. It's one of the beautiful things about cheering for a team, or against one. One could argue, as I often have, that being a Cubs fan shows an absolute refusal to embrace common sense. But on the other hand, we are led through the world of baseball fandom by our hearts. We often choose our favorite team because of fond childhood memories, we inherit them from our fathers our one of our favorite relatives, we meet a player once and will forever sign on with the team that gives him his last chance.

Have you ever asked, "Hey, Phil, why a Padres fan?" "Oh, because their bullpen had the leading e.r.a. from 1981 - 1987." No. And if you did, you would likely be struck dumb by such a lack of emotion and true "fan-ness."

Mencken is correct, a baseball fan often shows little common sense. But it's part of the spirit of being a fan. We will trash talk a star after one bad performance not because we truly dislike our star player, but instead because we feel betrayed in the relationship and need to unwind. We will boo obviously good strategic moves not because they don't make sense, but because we yearn for the rush that comes with getting the strike out NOW and winning NOW. We will get into heated arguments with our best friends not because we really think they are "full of shit," but because we love our team and the game; we are emotional, for Christ's sake, because we love.

We stay up late listening to radios for any word. We spend our mornings pouring over box scores. We get upset about weddings that fall during an important series. We spend hours on the phone talking about the starting rotation as if they are family members.

And yet some would rather turn this into some analytical journey through second semester statistics class. Why ruin it? Why make it more than the curious and beautiful emotional struggle it is? We choose our teams, we fall in love with women, we develop loyalty to one brand of alcohol; and this can all defy common sense, but that's why it is so wonderful. And that's why we will always want to write about it.

* "Broads" chosen for alliteration purposes.

Not frustrated? Then take a hike.

After blowing another game yesterday and once again failing to prove his worth to Mets fans, Victor Zambrano said he's "not frustrated." Really? He should be. Victor must not be familiar with the old phrase, "if you're not pissed off, then you must not be paying attention." If I had an e.r.a. of almost 10, I'd be frustrated. Add to that the fact that the team I played for had traded their top pitching prospect for me, add I would be damn sure to show some public concern for my lack of results.

The situation is only made worse because Kris Benson now calls Camden Yards his home; at least if things had gone south with Kris, we still would have had Anna around. Minaya and Co. better do something about the Zambrano Syndrome soon or it will turn into their own Iraq. Right now there's no apparent exit strategy and innocent Mets fans are in danger of having their dreams shattered.

In other news, it appears that Doug Mientkiewicz has finally given up his fight for his little balls. Okay, that was a cheap shot. But really, how cheap is this bastard? It's not enough for him that he was a member of the 2004 World Series champion Red Sox. It's not enough that he was playing in the field when that historic out was made. It's not enough that he was able to live what so many tens of millions of us could only dream of. No, he needs to piss and moan and play keep away with the ball that was the last out, even joking that it was his "retirement fund." He makes over $2 million a year, people, and he's not very good.

But pissing and moaning is something he does well. He was bitter when the Mets sent him packing. He really never liked being there, he claimed, and was happy to be moving on. I'm sure he's loving life in Kansas City. And I know we really miss him in Shea. All we have is this Delgado guy. Talk about frustrating.

Albert Pujols and the anatomy of a "boo"

Ben Godar

Albert Pujols wants us to stop booing Juan Encarnacion, and that’s got me thinking about what the role of a true fan should be when it comes to the Bronx cheer.

MLB.com’s excellent Cardinals reporter, Matthew Leach, reported Pujols’ comments – basically saying he was mad with fans for booing Encarnacion, who is working hard but frustrated. The crux of Pujols argument seems to be that Encarnacion knows he’s struggling, and booing him won’t help him turn it around.

The declaration from H.H. Albert Pujols has touched off a fierce debate among Cardinals fans, but the question is relevant to any follower of The Game.

Booing the home team is generally a classless move born of ignorance. It often comes from fair-weather fans who don’t know a sac bunt from their camera phone. Or it comes from Neanderthals in places like Philadelphia, who take great pride in booing Santa Claus, Jesus Christ, Firefighters and anybody else who has the audacity to step before them.

That said, I don’t buy into this notion that we should never boo the home team. I’m sure booing Juan Encarnacion won’t help him, but blindly supporting even the ineptness of your team is the kind of thing that creates the Chicago Cubs.

Juan Encarnacion has done nothing to warrant my respect. Some argue I owe him my allegiance simply because he wears a Cardinals uniform. But I’ve never bought into that blind Patriotism, "either you’re with us or against us" mentality.

I would never boo Jim Edmonds, even though I’ve watched him strike out with runners on base at least 10,000 times. Why? Because I’ve also watched Jim Edmonds bust his ass for the team and come up with at least as many clutch hits. And shame on the people booing Jason Isringhausen, another veteran who’s shown us he will walk at least two batters but still get the save.

Juan Encarnacion is another story. It wouldn’t be fair to boo just because he’s off to a slow start, but the man is playing bad baseball. Really bad. Pujols only won Sunday’s game with that walk-off homer because Encarnacion gave the Reds the lead by duffing an easy fly ball. A few games before that, he was doubled off first base on a lazy fly to left field. The game before, he was almost doubled off when he inexplicably went halfway to second on a short fly to RIGHT FIELD!

Had I been there when Encarnacion was doubled off first, I would have booed. In fact, I would have asked him where his head was, suggested a location I suspected it was, and asked him to remove it from said place.

If Encarnacion comes around, I’ll be cheering him on – and that does not make me a fair-weather fan. It just makes me a fan who holds even my own team to a certain standard. I’m a Cardinals fan because I like to watch good baseball. It’s the job of the fan to encourage good baseball. We supported this team long before these players arrived, and we will be supporting it long after they are gone. It’s our job to call a bum a bum.

A Marquis Moment

Ben Godar

Albert Pujols epic walk-off homer, his third of the day, was the story of Sunday's Cards/Reds game. But something even more interesting and unusual happened just before that blast.

With position player Gary Bennett still on the bench, Tony LaRussa brought in pitcher Jason Marquis to pinch-hit ahead of Mr. Pujols. The reason? Marquis can flat out hit - last year, to the tune of .310 in a not-insignificant 87 at bats. The pitcher, who would start the very next day, lined a single into center field. Marquis' hit allowed Pujols homer to end the game.

I don't know that I've ever seen a situation quite like it - a pitcher used to pinch hit, not just to lay down a bunt, with a position player still on the bench. It was an elegant move that highlighted the beauty of the NATIONAL LEAGUE game.

When you play The Game the right way, the pitcher is just another position player, albeit with an extremely demanding role on the defensive side. The light-hitting pitcher is a practical result of a demanding defensive position, not an immutable truth and certainly not something that should ever have been put into the rule book by the Junior Circuit.

You can have your David Ortiz mashers swinging from their heels. I'll take a pinch hit from Jason Marquis.

Dear friend, please send baseball news

Dr. Uetz
My local newspaper is not good. It's really a horrible disappointment. How bad is it? They once ran as the headline and feature story the winner of CBS' Survivor. I'm dead serious. I woke up one morning and the front page was plastered with news of who had been the last one on the island. At that moment the Des Moines Register sealed the deal for me. It was officially dog shit and has only continued to get worse. And I was comforted by a story last week on NPR that used the Register as an example of greater concerns.

But before that story I had major concerns. And since the start of this year's Major League Baseball season I have been teetering on the edge of sheer rage. You see the Register now has decided that it only needs to cover baseball teams in the Midwest. Anyone who is a fan of a team other than the Cubs, Brewers, Twins, Cardinals, or Royals is on their own for information. Unless your boys happened to play a game against one of the Midwest teams you are shit out of luck. Yesterday the Mets, my favorite team since I was child, improved their record to 10-2 with a win over their rivals the Atlanta Braves. It was also Pedro Martinez's 200th career win. The Register gave me one sentence about the game, one lousy sentence. And it was the same for every other non-Midwest team. This is a crime. I'm a fan of the game. I want to know what happened throughout the league. But I guess I'm supposed to be grateful to get anything at all from this rag.

This has been the trend for the last few years but it has gotten ridiculous. Midwest teams get a paragraph and every other game gets one sentence. Real newspapers seem to find a way to give you good solid information about all major league games. I recently was in Baltimore for a bachelor party and was blown away by the coverage the Baltimore Sun had of the ENTIRE MAJOR LEAGUE. Obviously there are two MLB teams in the area, so I understand the in depth coverage of the Orioles and Nationals. But the Sun found a way to give me at least one solid paragraph about every game played the day before. And the really interesting games got two paragraphs of coverage.

The Register this year also drastically pared down the amount of information provided in the league standings and day's pitching matchups. Not so the Sun and numerous other papers across the country. And what truly amazes me is that the Register is owned by Gannett who also owns USA Today. The only thing I have ever liked about USA Today was the sports section. What the hell happened? The Register doesn't even list a team's win/loss streak anymore. They sometimes never run the box scores of late west coast games.

The Des Moines Register, of course, still claims to be the newspaper Iowa depends on. Don't believe it. We can do without it. The Register publisher interviewed by NPR used the recent controversy in Iowa over Touchply machines as an example of their hard hitting journalism. She claims they broke the story and changed Iowa's laws. But the gambling industry broke the story. And their campaign contributions changed the laws.

But I'm getting off track here and I have to get going. There's a lot I don't know about what happened in baseball yesterday. The Des Moines Register wouldn't tell me.

New Busch Stadium; same Harold Reynolds

Ben Godar

Yesterday was a good day to be a Cardinals fan. The new ballpark opened with a who’s who of legendary players: Stan Musial, Bob Gibson, Willie McGee.

But the big question with any new ballpark is, how will it play? We probably won’t really know until at least the All-Star break, but that didn’t stop Baseball Tonight’s Harold Reynolds from making some bonehead predictions.

When designing Busch III, the Cardinals brass decided they wanted a park that played similar to the old park, and if anything skewing toward pitcher-friendly. The fences are slightly deeper everywhere but dead center, and a whopping 18 feet deeper in the power alleys. In other words, this stadium wasn’t designed to be one of these mini-golf parks like in Houston and Cincinnati.

But after exactly one game in the new digs, Harold Reynolds declared that the new park would favor hitters. As with most claims made by the ex-jock panel, HR’s were based on nothing more than the assumption that as a former player he has an innate sense of everything that will happen in The Game.

Reynolds reached further into his own ass to pull out the idea that "they have a lot of fly ball pitchers on that team." The Cardinals? Does this guy watch baseball?

So I thought I’d introduce some research into this flood of ignorance. If you look at ground ball/fly ball ratios, everyone in the St. Louis rotation ranks in the top 20 among starting pitchers. That shouldn’t be surprising, given the team led the league in double plays last season. So no, Harold, the Cardinals do not have a lot of fly ball pitchers. They have the most extreme ground ball staff around.

Nobody is certain how the new Busch Stadium is going to play. But based on the information we do have, it seems likely to play neutral or pitcher-friendly. And based on the lack of information coming from Harold Reynolds, it seems clear he is an idiot.

Witch hunts, smoking guns and other nonsense

Ben Godar

It’s hard to know where to stand on this steroid investigation. Is this righting a wrong or opening an old wound? Is the Commissioner’s Office asserting its authority or flailing helplessly? I’m not sure what the right answers are, but I do know some of the wrong ones – and I keep hearing them.

Here are a few things about Barry Bonds and steroids that I never want to hear again:

Witch hunt: On several occasions, I’ve heard all the scrutiny around Barry Bonds referred to as a "witch hunt." A witch hunt is when someone faces accusations without evidence. Barry Bonds is swimming in a sea of evidence. There have been suspicions leveled at many players, but none of them saw their personal trainer go to prison for distributing steroids or admitted to a grand jury that they used steroids, knowingly or otherwise.

Racially motivated: A particularly disgusting subset of the witch hunt crowd suggests that race is an issue. That’s only true if by race you mean "volumes of damning evidence." These folks often suggest that a cracker like Mark McGwire wasn’t subjected to such scrutiny. That’s funny, because I seem to remember when Big Mac refused to answer questions in front of Congress he was NAILED TO THE CROSS. But regardless of what happened with McGwire, Bonds is not being singled out because he's black. He's being singled out because his personal trainer is a convicted steroid dealer.

Smoking Gun: Every time someone lays out the volumes of evidence against Bonds, some self-appointed legal scholar will observe "there’s no smoking gun." There may be no videotape of Bonds putting a needle in his ass, but that hardly makes this a he said/she said situation. Even in a criminal court, the standard for guilt is only an absence of reasonable doubt. If you look at the sources behind Game of Shadows, it’s hard to harbor any doubts that could be termed as "reasonable." The fact that Barry Bonds used steroids is beyond rational dispute.

If anyone's ever to make sense of this situation, we at least should begin by dismissing these foolish ideas.

Rollins streak ends on a classy note

Ben Godar

Jimmy Rollins 38-game hit streak ended this afternoon in Philly. He added two games to that streak this season thanks to a sound baseball decision by Tony LaRussa. Unfortunately, some writers and talking sports buffoons have suggested LaRussa asked his fighter to take a dive.

Check your facts, gentlemen.

LaRussa ordered a strike to be thrown to Rollins on a 3-0 count in the eighth inning on opening day. Then he told reporters he didn’t think Rollins streak should end with an intentional pass, implying some karmic connection to the way teams treated Mark McGwire in his prime. I call that a classy move, but it’s a moot point anyway.

What every story about the 3-0 strike seemed to omit was the fact that, at the time, the score was 13-5 Cardinals. With an eight run lead, you’d be a fool to walk anybody. There’s also a difference between throwing a strike and serving one up. This wasn’t taking a dive, it was sending your best stuff at their best and seeing what happens.

Isn’t that why we watch?

We’re being drowned by this Monday Morning Quarterback mentality. It’s good sport to second-guess the manager, or general manager, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that we’re there to watch the game. There’s something wrong when sportswriters and fans are calling for more intentional walks.

And let’s not forget who we’re talking about here. This is Tony LaRussa, and whether you like him or not, it’s hard to argue he’s a true baseball man who follows a strict code for how the game should be played. When everyone in the league was walking Barry Bonds, LaRussa pitched to him, saying "I don’t want to send a message to our guys that they can’t get somebody out."

That’s old school. That’s how the game should be played. Don’t let anybody tell you different.

I think you're in my seat, Roger.

Dr. Uetz
This morning's paper had a lovely little piece about Roger Clemens. It seems he watched yesterday's Texas game from the stands, still unsure if he will retire or come back for a 23rd season of baseball. Can we let it go already? This guy makes Michael Jordan look more decisive than Hitler. Look, redneck, shit or get off the pot. As much as I enjoyed your snubbing of the Yankees to play for Houston, it's time to leave us alone. The season has started and there are other things for true baseball fans to discuss.

God bless the Cubs for giving their fans at least one more day of hope. They managed to pound the Reds, 16-7. How long will they continue to tease their followers? I'm going to say that June 2 will mark the beginning of the end for Dusty and his poorly managed crew. That's the day they start their 10 game road trip, kicking it off with three in St. Louis.

But I could be wrong. The Cubs are unbeaten right now. This could be the year. After all, the Red Sox and White Sox have had their turns. Isn't it time the Cubs finally kicked the goat off their backs and won the Series? No. Not even close.

I'm not sure who will win it all this year. I'd love to say the Mets but they're not quite there. Watch those Central divisions. They're often undervalued by the media.