Whoa-- A Yankees Fan Who Isn't a Tool!
Mike Popelka
Ladies and gentlemen, I've done it. After years of dead ends, red herring clues, and countless frustrations, I discovered a mythical being only whispered about in legends passed down from generation to generation. You may not believe me, but it's true--I finally met the one Yankees fan I don't want to kick in the balls.
I know, my friends--Yankees fans always deserve a vitriolic tirade wherever and whenever they are encountered. To any decent American, the sight of that ungodly "NY" logo on a dark background should trigger automatic and uncontrollable rage, much like a red cape waving in front of a bull. However, in a dive bar Wednesday night I had an actual conversation with a Yanks fan over a few pitchers of PBR.
This fan (who shall remain unnamed) began by apologizing for the conduct of most Yankees fans. I felt a twinge of sympathy to his cause; I usually have to apologize to others for the behavior of moronic Cubs fans. Another thing he had going for him was that there were no visible Yankees logos anywhere on his person. This kept the "red cape" syndrome from popping up. Last, he was born and raised in New Jersey, just outside of New York City. People who root for a team due to locality are always worth a little more than others, so these three things allowed the man a short time to say his piece and to defend himself.
He claimed that there are plenty of real Yankees fans near New York city who actually know the game of baseball. Real fans, he said, could tell you off the top of their heads that Don Mattingly is tied for #83 on the all time doubles list with Dick Bartell (I didn't want to get into the debate of how overrated Mattingly is so I let this one pass). The problem with all Yanks rooters is that their memory is too short. He sadly explained the plight of trying to be true while surrounded by buttholes that believe A-Rod should be batting 1.000 and hitting 92 homers. Yes, he agreed, A-Rod is overpaid, but the man is still one of the best players in baseball. Real Yankees fans wouldn't boo A-Rod for grounding out to second if he hit a game winning home run the night before.
Conversation continued, and he definitely showed rare insight for a fan of the most despicable team in the major leagues. He almost wiped out all of the sympathy I had for him with his answer to my question, "Why are you a Yankees fan?"
His answer: "In 1985, my sister decided to be a Mets fan. So, of course, I had to choose the Yankees."
Poor guy. He made one bad decision for a silly reason and it will haunt him for the rest of his life. His reactionary choice of a team to root for will cause him to be taunted and jeered at wherever he goes. This is the appropriate penance for his action of 21 years ago.
Despite choosing the Yankees to root for, I like the guy. So Yankees fans, let this be a lesson to you. If you want to convince other baseball fans that you're for real, be humble, be knowledgeable, and always pay for the beer. This will drastically reduce the number of times you get kicked in the balls.
Ladies and gentlemen, I've done it. After years of dead ends, red herring clues, and countless frustrations, I discovered a mythical being only whispered about in legends passed down from generation to generation. You may not believe me, but it's true--I finally met the one Yankees fan I don't want to kick in the balls.
I know, my friends--Yankees fans always deserve a vitriolic tirade wherever and whenever they are encountered. To any decent American, the sight of that ungodly "NY" logo on a dark background should trigger automatic and uncontrollable rage, much like a red cape waving in front of a bull. However, in a dive bar Wednesday night I had an actual conversation with a Yanks fan over a few pitchers of PBR.
This fan (who shall remain unnamed) began by apologizing for the conduct of most Yankees fans. I felt a twinge of sympathy to his cause; I usually have to apologize to others for the behavior of moronic Cubs fans. Another thing he had going for him was that there were no visible Yankees logos anywhere on his person. This kept the "red cape" syndrome from popping up. Last, he was born and raised in New Jersey, just outside of New York City. People who root for a team due to locality are always worth a little more than others, so these three things allowed the man a short time to say his piece and to defend himself.
He claimed that there are plenty of real Yankees fans near New York city who actually know the game of baseball. Real fans, he said, could tell you off the top of their heads that Don Mattingly is tied for #83 on the all time doubles list with Dick Bartell (I didn't want to get into the debate of how overrated Mattingly is so I let this one pass). The problem with all Yanks rooters is that their memory is too short. He sadly explained the plight of trying to be true while surrounded by buttholes that believe A-Rod should be batting 1.000 and hitting 92 homers. Yes, he agreed, A-Rod is overpaid, but the man is still one of the best players in baseball. Real Yankees fans wouldn't boo A-Rod for grounding out to second if he hit a game winning home run the night before.
Conversation continued, and he definitely showed rare insight for a fan of the most despicable team in the major leagues. He almost wiped out all of the sympathy I had for him with his answer to my question, "Why are you a Yankees fan?"
His answer: "In 1985, my sister decided to be a Mets fan. So, of course, I had to choose the Yankees."
Poor guy. He made one bad decision for a silly reason and it will haunt him for the rest of his life. His reactionary choice of a team to root for will cause him to be taunted and jeered at wherever he goes. This is the appropriate penance for his action of 21 years ago.
Despite choosing the Yankees to root for, I like the guy. So Yankees fans, let this be a lesson to you. If you want to convince other baseball fans that you're for real, be humble, be knowledgeable, and always pay for the beer. This will drastically reduce the number of times you get kicked in the balls.
posted by Mike P at 10:25 AM
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