Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Dr. Uetz

It's time for Wrigley Field to go. Throw things at me, if you must. But I am so sick and tired of hearing Cubs fans talk about the "friendly confines." How friendly are they? April 20, 2006, will be the 90th anniversary of the Cubs' first game at Wrigley. How many World Series championships do they have in that span? Oh yeah, right, NONE! ZERO! NADA!

Cubs fans like to gloat about their home. When was the last time you were there? They're giving out free hard hats now and pregnant women aren't allowed for fear that their unborn children will be physically hurt (never mind the mental damage they will suffer should they grow up as Cubs fans).

One of my brothers is a Cubs fan. He likes to give me all sorts of hell because Shea Stadium is a beast, a dump, nothing too pretty to look at. Fine. But you see those two World Series Championship flags flying out there? Yeah, those both happened within the last 40 years, both since Shea opened in April 1964. Thanks for the architectural advice, pal, I'll take the rings. Plus, let's face it, a beautiful ballpark may seem a bit out of place in Queens.

But the fact is that there is no reason for the Cubs management to worry about fielding a good team. As long as they play in Wrigley, they know that the seats will be full, along with their pockets. So if you want a winning team, Cubs fans, you should demand they tear down that dump with the ivy walls. Otherwise all you have is below average club in an historic ballpark. Yeah. Enjoy that. Sounds real fun.